Everybody Loves... The Costigans

We are several weeks in on our renovations of the "new" house. I have been there about 4 times doing not much while Patrick and his brother have ripped out the carpeting in nearly the whole house. My uncle totally cleared the basement out of four generations worth of.... stuff. My cousin came over and took the thirty year old appliances out to the dumpster. We've aired out the house and sorted through paperwork. It all seems so sad sometimes but so exciting other times. I'd say that 98% of the time we are laughing. I was thinking today that if I didn't write (type) this down, I would forget how funny some of these experiences have been. And trust me....selling a house in this market we NEED funny in our lives.

The very first weekend we had the green light to go over and WORK, we headed out early in gross clothes and packed up as many of our boxes as we could fit in the car. My job was to clean the bathroom and Patrick was starting to rip up carpet and clear furniture. I was upstairs SCRUBBING a bathroom that hasn't been used in years for about an hour. Patrick came up and told me I needed to come downstairs and see something. I thought he found something gross or the floors were in great shape or something cool. We get to the living room and my whole family is hanging out there. Mom, Uncle and two Aunts....a cooler of beers and not a care in the world. They were sitting on the furniture that Patrick was about to clear. He also couldn't really hack up the carpet when they're trying to solve for world peace in the next room screaming over the saw "WHAT!??!" "HUH!?!?" "I CANT HEAR YOU". Imagine that in your best Long Island accent....then turn up the volume. It was insane. I said Ma you guys have to move. He wants to clear this. She looked very alarmed and we started to think she was getting upset about getting rid of the furniture. It was grandpa's and we were kind of nervous about it. I said "Oh. Umm okay Mom." She said "Well I guess it's time but WHERE are we going to sit!?!?!" I burst out laughing and Patrick rolled his eyes and said AT YOUR HOUSE. Quick reminder here that my aunt and uncle live across the street. my other aunt and uncle live nextdoor. My other aunt lives down the block. There is an abundance of chairs, porches & decks ready to greet them. They choose our living room and we hope they always do....

Finally Patrick and my Uncle carry the couches outside. They were just about to toss it into the dumpster and my Uncle said he needed a minute. My Uncle and my grandpa were VERY close despite the fact that they were father in law / son in law. There aren't really in laws in this family. Patrick felt kind of bad so he backed off a little bit to give my uncle time. He looks up and sees my uncle pulling cushions off. He said oh Uncle George are you okay? he said Okay!! SURE! I'm looking for cash he might have stuck in here. [Grandpa did hide money randomly.]

This weekend we stopped over to drop my stuff off and check on my mom, aunt and uncle who were clearing out my Grandpa's desk. I go in and see them with a shredder. They are shredding every bank statement that dated back until about 1987 when my grandma died. They had been at it for about an hour when I asked why they were shredding everything. I mean he's dead. How can you steal his identity? Isn't the shredding a bit much? They said they were fine but they were just hot. I turned on the ceiling fan that had been sitting there still for the whole time and went to find Patrick.

You really can't make this stuff up. I'm SURE there's more and more to come and we are loving ever second of this and laughing all the way.

NOTE: Our apartment officially goes on the market next Friday. I am so sad to leave this place but excited too.

Details,Details

Still no pictures in the mail, but the show must go on! [Otherwise I know I will forget details and that would just suck and defeat the purpose of having a blog.]

Today I'm going to write about each of the small details we tried to include and hopefully soon I can just upload the pictures. Truth is I'd much rather write about this than the other stuff....

Okay so where to start... how about when our guests checked into the hotel? Okey doke! We had a block of rooms at a hotel nearby to both the ceremony and reception. Upon check-in, each guest got a welcome bag (adorable bags I got online) that were black and white (our theme) and filled with cookies, chips, water, diet coke, tylenol, fruit snacks, etc. Each person also got an I heart NY t-shirt since most of our guests were from out of town. They looked so cute all set up and when they were given out!

Then the person would get ready for the ceremony or reception and board a motor-coach to the venue. We really trusted nobody to drive and this ended up being really really fun.

When they got to the reception, they were given a glass of champagne and shown where the cocktail hour was (everywhere except the main banquet room). We decorated with our pictures from our house and our parents houses as well as our parents wedding pictures. The food was delish and the raw bar that my parents didn't believe us that we NEEDED was a huge hit!

Instead of a guestbook we had a scrapbook station with an instant camera. Guests were encouraged to at least take their picture if not make a note or page. That was HYSTERICAL to see the next day. We laughed so hard when we looked through it!

During cocktail hour we didn't want the typical harp or piano player. Our cocktail hour was in five rooms and had very high ceilings. I couldn't come up with a good alternative until I saw this silly show on TV. Then it hit me and I booked an acapella group within days! They walked around and sang to our guests (and us!) and they were a really REALLY fun touch!

On each bar we had napkins that said "Eat, Drink & Be Married!" Kristin & Patrick April 24th, 2010. They were gone before I even had a glass of wine.

I'm not a huge fan of seating cards and I wanted to do something more creative. Enter my crafty sister in law. I came up with this idea to have votive holders with our guests names on them and their tables listed. She came up with continuing my black and white theme and tying little tiny black ties on every single one. By hand. Herself. With a three year old at home. She did all 125 for me and they looked AWESOME. They were set up on a table and lit with a tea-light when the guests were asked to begin their entrance to the reception. On the tables were small boxes of matches that said "Kristin & Patrick The Perfect Match". This part of the night was one of my favorite touches and worth the stress of printing those damn labels and drama that came with it once we saw them all lit up!

Once inside, Patrick had a surprise of his own. Our cake was awesome. It was made by the cake shop that my BFF (and bridesmaid!) Holly works at and they did an exceptional job. If anyone on Long Island needs a cake shop....call me! Our cake you will have to wait to see because a picture is of course worth a thousand words and I can't even describe it. Patrick's surprise was a groom's cake in the shape of a Jack Daniel's bottle. It was SO COOL! They did an awesome job and he was SHOCKED. For some reason we didn't serve it, but we ate it the next day when we got to my parent's house! It is delish and we froze it to have it when we are settled (which might be never so we should probably eat up....)

Our band was AWESOME and we walked in to Black Eyed Peas "I Got A Feelin" It was so cute and I'm dying to see the rest of our bridal party's entrances. I heard they were a riot and I'm so looking forward to our video! Our first dance was to Dave Matthews Band's "You & Me" and it was so so so good. The band did an amazing job all the night long. My dad and I danced to Jimmy Buffet's "Little Miss Magic". He almost missed the dance because he was outside cooling off before our song and the doors locked behind him. HAAAA!!! I also maybe sang Sweet Caroline with the band and danced to a little Michael Jackson with one of the singers. I have no shame. Wedding dress or not.....

After we danced and ate and cut our cake, it was literally time to go back to the hotel. As our guests left the reception, they were served silver chinese food containers filled with kisses and a note about my late mother in law. We've donated to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in her memory in lieu of an actual favor. The box was so cute and had our monogram on it. Kitty (my MIL) always had chinese food when I ate over [.....or maybe I only ate over when it was Chinese??] so the box had some significance to me. She also always had to eat something sweet after each meal so the thought (and note attached) was explaining that we wanted to finish our first meal as Mr. & Mrs. C the same way that she would have liked us to. I am praying I have one saved for our memory box!

After that was served, the guests were given a to go box with a NY Bagel and a bottle of water to have in case they were leaving early the next day or somehow still hungry on the way to the hotel.

Once they arrived at the hotel we had pizzas delivered and the bar open late. The lounge area was packed and we had the BEST time. This is when Patrick *should* have gone to bed. Ahem. We had so much fun and stayed up WAY too late.

Next up in the wedding series... the few creepy details that reminded me this wasn't only MY day.

No Longer NEARLYweds....

We're Newlyweds!!

Whew...it's been ages since I actually got my butt in front of this computer for blogging purposes. I'm baaaaaack!

So much has happened since my last update. For starters, I'm married. Yikes! We're just back from a two week honeymoon in Maui and dreaming of being back there. It was fantastic. We're fully involved in selling our apartment and getting the house ready to move in. SO exciting!!

Patrick & I both took the Wednesday, Thursday & Friday before our wedding off from work. I highly recommend doing that. Wednesday and Thursday we ran errands and tried to finish our "to do list" that just seemed to keep growing and growing! I also didn't really realize that everyone coming from out of town, plus our families would all be looking to spend time with us. It was truly awesome. Busy....but awesome. On Thursday afternoon Patrick and I picked up the last pieces of our bridal party gifts and got everything ready. We also possibly spent a few hours at the mall shopping for clothes for the honeymoon which we still hadn't totally packed for. Details, details!

We're Newlyweds!

Friday was a total whirlwind. I got my nails done, ran around like a loon trying to get the centerpieces for the rehearsal dinner finished, got my hair done, and got to the church. Confession: I have never paid attention at rehearsals and I didn't at my own either. Too many people to chat with and things to see. You may remember that we didn't exactly want to be married in the church. We wanted a one stop shop, but my mom felt differently. Since my parents were paying for a big chunk of the wedding-- she won. I loved our deacon and our music director. I am just not super religious and Patrick isn't even catholic. Anyway, after that quick run through, we took our families and our bridal party to a steak house in a neighboring town for a fantastic dinner and drinks. We were SO excited to give our attendants their gifts. We tried to think really hard about something that everyone would love. We have both been in a good number of weddings and wanted to keep it easy on ourselves by getting everyone the same thing. My girls wore different dresses... ten of them... so I couldn't do jewelry or bags or anything. The guys are all very different and ages 38 to 25 and all different life stages. We also wanted to REALLY thank everyone because we know how much it takes/costs/requires to be in a wedding. We surprised everyone with Flip video cameras and it was SO MUCH FUN!! One of the best moments of the whole weekend. Another favorite was holding Patrick's cousin's daughter and hearing that laugh. My ovaries ached. She laughs from her belly and with her whole body. I could have kept her from then on attached to my hip. My father wanted to keep her too and kept trying to get her to pull on his beard or poke him in the eye. Adorable!! Finally as the night came to an end, Patrick told everyone that he'd like to make a toast to me. He has this toast that is funny.... but somehow I didn't think it would be appropriate. The original toast goes:

Here's to you, Here's to me,

Best of Friends We'll Ever Be

If We Ever Disagree,

F *** You...Here's to me.

You can imagine why I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of having that recited to our friends and family! Patrick changed it and toasted me with:

Here's to you, Here's to me,

Husband & Wife... Tomorrow We'll Be,

I'm Sure We'll Sometimes Disagree,

But Happy, I Promise You... We Will Forever Be.

I LOVED IT!! My best friend Meghan actually burst into tears which made it even better.

I went home and actually slept like a rock until I got up on my own at 8:30. That was kind of shocking since we had to be at the hair salon at 9...and my parent's house was quiet. My mom was reading emails and just didn't realize what time it was. We raced around and the makeup ladies arrived right on time. We jetted off to have our hair done and had a GREAT breakfast delivered from the deli. Colleen showed up early for her appointment and got me some starbucks and then Mishi came and did some pics. We had so much fun! Then back to the house for makeup and to meet the Hooker (college) girls. I was very relaxed and not nervous at all. I ate lunch, hung out and then finally got dressed. Our photographer and videographer were there and shooting away so it was totally a fun time all the way around. My dad and brother went up to the hotel to check in and drop off their stuff and catch the party bus to the church with the guys. We took some pics and then were off to the church...SHOWTIME!

Honestly, the ceremony was hysterical. My dad and I were hidden off to the side while the girls went in and we were making fun of them to get everyone to smile. It was *finally* my turn and we got into place. All of a sudden, the attendant that was there to open my door to the church disappeared behind me. The other guy was there and he opened his but my side stayed closed!! My dad and I burst out laughing and I opened my own door. It was time to get married! We did the hand-off successfully and I didn't even cry. Nor did my mom which is honestly amazing. She cries at commercials and strangers facial expressions. Not a tear. She did take a valium on the way so I'm guessing it did the trick! I thought Patrick was going to be a basket-case since he doesn't really like to speak in public, but he was smiling and looked like he did this everyday. [He better not....] The deacon was making a point about how close we are and asked Patrick how many times a day he calls me on the phone. He replied "several". He asked me how many times a day I look at my Caller ID and ignore it. I said "several". From there on it was smooth sailing. Patrick tried to put my ring on and he couldn't do it for some reason so he looked up at the ceiling and asked God for "a little help". We all laughed again and it was very fun. One of the best parts was that my brother in law, Craig introduced us at the ceremony. That was very unique and special and meant so much for it to come from one of our family members. It was SO cool. We were off to the reception to do our pictures and get ready for cocktail hour and the reception!

I have so much more to tell and so many fun details that we worked hard on and more importantly that I managed to keep a secret until our wedding day. I'm hoping to get our pictures soon and share the rest of the story then. Remind me to tell you how I got sick the morning after the wedding and was unable to eat until day three of our honeymoon. Yeah, that's a good one.....

Post Pre Cana

Heh....see if you can follow that title.

Patrick and I participated in our Pre Cana class this past weekend at my mom's church out on Long Island. That parish does things a little bit differently and you go Friday evening until Sunday mid-day. [You go home each night to your own house or in our case whatever parent's house we were at when we ran out of steam.] Patrick being not Catholic made me a little bit nervous. He's been to church with me approximately never... and I honestly only go on Christmas & Easter and couple of other weekends a year when Babs can guilt trip me into it. He never received communion until my Mom asked him (and my father) to do so at my Grandpa's funeral. I thought we were doomed with a full weekend of Jesus.

It was NOTHING like I thought it would be. I think that my mom's parish is much more modern than others that I've heard of. We got there on Friday night... which is not exactly our typical routine. We checked in and of course I knew about 6 of the ten couples so we had a mini high school reunion. Patrick was thrilled. We get started and get into the pattern for the weekend. There were six couples presenting to us. They ranged in experience from married for 50 years to married for 4 years with an 11 month old daughter. [And yes the baby was there and I randomly knew the father/husband and I got to play with her all weekend.] The couple that was married for 50+ years is actually our Deacon and he's performing our wedding ceremony. It was very interesting to hear all of the couple's stories-- much more so than I had imagined.

There was no preaching. There was no Jesus talk. There was no issues with couples who already live together. The group sat together and there was a couple leading a presentation. The topics ranged from intimacy to communication to financial planning. After each presentation there was a worksheet, chapter and activity. We had to split up to do our writing and then come together as a couple and discuss it. There was no drama, no group sharing and nothing that was uncomfortable. It was long and it was a bummer to be stuck inside on such a nice weekend, but we survived. I actually think we should do some kind of counseling each year. It's not going to get easier from here!! I also volunteered us to come back next year as brand new newlyweds and present a category. I guarantee you we get intimacy or family planning!

So far so interesting on the new house slash Grandpa's house front. We have a moderate amount of work to do before we move in. Some of which we can't do until it's nice out. Some of which I can't even think about. Some of which may be removing an illegal structure on the back of the house which includes our downstairs bathroom and laundry room. Oh homeownership is never dull.

Today would have been my Grandpa's 88th birthday. He was absolutely present at the house this weekend. Lights going on and off, things falling down.... your everyday creepiness. He would be happy knowing what we have planned and that the fourth generation is going to live in that house and hopefully give us a 5th generation! [not soon.]

The family drama is still in a stand off. There is so much more to this story but my blood pressure can't even get into it. We don't have an RSVP from them for the wedding yet and Patrick's brother declined his bachelor party. However, we are invited to my nieces communion and the party afterwards. This should get interesting. F's last words to me were that I was narcissistic. Do I *really* want to be at a party at her home? I think this will play itself out... but I am still none too happy.

On that note, I'm off to go do something to burn calories and not eat..... for another 46 days

Patrick's Pack

People often look at us when we go out to dinner. Not when we walk in. Not when we order. Not when I laugh too loudly. Not when Patrick orders some wacky drink that the bartender probably has to look up. People look at us when the pack comes out.

It usually comes out once before dinner when we play a quick game of over under to guess the number of the minute. Between dinner and dessert, the orange cap goes in Patrick's mouth and we continue to have a conversation. If we are with my parents, my dad mirrors his actions with his own supplies. Either the pant leg is rolled up, the shirt untucked, or sleeve pulled way up to the shoulder. This is when other patron's eyes go wide.

Patrick has Juvenile Diabetes. He was diagnosed when he was in college, and is insulin dependent. I would guess that Patrick gives himself about 5-8 shots a day. He takes two kinds of insulin to regulate his blood sugar-- long term and short term (creative, huh?). I never really think about this part of our life, but sometimes I notice that other people do. I also notice that people have really funny questions about this disease.

My dad was diagnosed when he was in his 30s and overweight. He has Type 2 Diabetes and was only put on insulin within in the last 10-15 years. He has lost weight and had quite the scare back when I was in high school. He almost died is the short version of that story. Nobody could get his diabetes under control even while in a hospital bed.

When Patrick & I met, I remember our first date and seeing him take out the pack. [In our house the entire kit is called a meter. At my parent's house it's called Daddy's kit.] I didn't flinch that first date, mostly because I didn't realize that it wasn't normal right away. His pack looked the same as my dad's so it looked like a regular part of dinner to me. My mom likes to say that they say you marry someone like your father, but this is taking it a tad bit far. Patrick likes to say that the first date test was to see if I'd eat a chicken wing or not [I did.], but I know my reaction to the pack was probably part of it as well.

Patrick's mom used to tell me how she freaked when he called her from school in Florida to tell her that he was diagnosed. His Uncle had diabetes, but none of the kids in the whole family had ever expressed any symptoms. She didn't know what to do, and she was so far away from him that she felt helpless.

The very first time that Patrick came to visit me in college, we were sleeping in the living room of my townhouse (I lived with 8 other girls at the time) and I could feel him getting very clammy. I asked him if he was okay and he said yes, and that I should go to sleep. A few minutes later, he was even more "off" even though we were trying to snooze I could tell he was sick. I asked him if he was high or low as I flipped on the light and went into the kitchen. He said low as he tried to test his sugar on the meter. Luckily, we were very healthy girls in college and kept only the staples in the house. I grabbed two fruit roll ups and some Hawaiian Punch and all was normal within fifteen minutes.

As we clean out my grandpa's house we have found some funny things. The one that made me laugh was as we looked at the master bedroom and bathroom with my mom and aunt. I said I can't believe how much stuff is in this room. My mom and aunt said that I should have seen how many strips were by the bed. [Strips are these tiny one inch long strips that are put into the top of a blood sugar monitor. You prick your finger with the lancet and put the blood on the strip. The meter then tells you your blood sugar reading.] Patrick and I laughed because that won't change when we move in! I am constantly finding them in my bag, near the trash can, stuck to the bottom of shoes.....it goes on and on.

Last year I was in the drug store picking up some of our prescriptions. I was grabbing something for Patrick that was diabetes specific and I had it in my hands as I waited in the line. The man behind me asked if I was diabetic. I said no I wasn't, but that my fiance is. He said oh that's sad. I said not really, just something that's part of our life. He said not that part but the part that we can't have children. I asked him why and he said that he can't imagine a smart girl like me wanting to inflict that disease on a child. Umm....What?!? Obviously we plan on having children. This is not something that is life threatening and it's not like we can't coach a child with diabetes on how to live a normal life. I bet most people Patrick meets don't have any idea he's diabetic for a long time!

We've had a couple of speed-bumps in our life thanks to diabetes. Patrick puts the cap of his needle in his mouth when he measures his shot. He has choked on it three times. In my opinion, that's just laziness and when I catch him I put my hand under his chin and he spits it out. One time we lost his needle while traveling around the city. I think we were heading out for a weekend away and had no back ups. Any pharmacy will replace it for free and no questions asked... but man is that an awkward conversation. The other thing that has become standard is for me to ignore Patrick when we're in the security lines in airports. He refuses to admit that insulin is a liquid and won't put it in our ziploc bags. When he gets pulled out of line to be searched because of it, I pretend like I don't know him and go have a glass of wine at the bar.

As you can see...none of these are serious and nothing we can't handle. One of our best buddies, Eddie is also Type 1. Patrick loves to have a friend to talk to about it, and I love to have Tina to talk to about living with someone with diabetes sometimes. She taught me tricks like keeping a juice box in my bag when out of the house for long times. More often than not, they gang up on us for extra sweets or joke when we play games that they have to be a team to benefit Juvenile Diabetes.

No, we aren't the poster family for how to deal with it, but I do think that we're doing pretty well. I don't see this being an issue if we pass it on to our children--which is likely since both sides of our family has a strong history. I stick myself once in awhile to see how my numbers are. Our nieces like to "help" Uncapat and I always encourage people afraid of needles to give Patrick one of his shots. Sometimes it helps them understand it a little better if they see that it doesn't hurt him. Unless you accidentally bend the needle and stick him anyway--which I may or may not do all the time in the car. Oops. It is funny to see people's faces when my father and Patrick take out big needles at a dinner table, but it's even funnier when they learn that they aren't actually related. Our family does actually play high / low and tries to guess the blood sugar readings when we're all together. Patrick and I do it all the time. We don't bet money on it usually but that would be a fun twist since we bet on everything else.

I'm willing to bet that this doesn't slow us down at all....

T Minus Two Months: Stream of Consciousness

Despite all of the crazy drama going on, our wedding is less than two months away. I can't WAIT. I'm trying not to lose sight of our day though I've been physically sick over what's gone on in our family. Ugh. Moving on.....

I haven't lost nearly the amount of weight I had wanted to, but I'm okay with that. I'm down 10 pounds and I'd love to lose another 6-8 by the wedding. I am still waiting for my dress to come in, so maybe after I see that I'll freak out and stick to my diet. Almost all of my girls dresses are in and we're just waiting for mine, my mom's, Meghan's and my sister in law Kayle's.

Patrick's tux is at the tailor. The guys don't have to go for their tuxes for another few weeks.

The flowers are done. Expensive, but done. Mine are going to be a deep deep purple calla lily.

Ordered our cake last weekend and the design is AMAZING. Okay I'll share that part because I'm dying to tell someone. We are doing four tiers. [When I say "we" I mean our awesome baker who is creative and gets us.] They will alternate in shape from square to circle. The round tiers will have bow-ties since we have cute black tie / bow-ties throughout the reception. The square tiers will have black paisley to match our invitations. Our topper will be our new monogram. I swear I will post pics. The inside is going to be vanilla with oreo buttercream filling. Yum. I also ordered Patrick a groom's cake. I can't wait for him to see it. It'll be a Jack Daniel's bottle theme. The inside will be chocolate cake with a peanut-butter cream cheese filling. Dreamy.

We keep receiving many favors and referrals that end up being awesome assets in this whole process. Our bus company for both the wedding party & guests, our photographer, our videographer, our baker, our band, my make-up artist, my hair dressers doing half of the bridal party, the restaurant doing our brunch on Sunday & after party on our wedding night.....all the way back to the printer who printed all of our invitation envelopes and wouldn't accept payment since he's a friend of my Mom's. It's really been the most unbelievable experience. We are so lucky to have such an awesome wedding party and family. I seriously can't even wait. Everything seems to be working out perfectly and whether or not it actually comes out that way on April 24th is beside the point. It's been a very enjoyable ride......

Now if it would only stop SNOWING! We're getting another foot here in the city tonight. I would be annoyed if it wasn't so PRETTY outside!

Fuming, Family and Other F Words

I need to vent and get this out. If you don't want to hear me whine and bitch about an issue that I've been dealing with for over a month now, go away. It's self-centered and not really that interesting, but it's drama in my life nonetheless and it's really upsetting me.

In January my Fairy Godmother, Aunt Connie, threw my bridal shower. It was the most amazing shower I have ever been to. Probably because I came home with 3 trucks full of "gear", but I think it was just beautiful. I was obsessed with the pictures for weeks. Now I'm just borderline compulsive. It was in one of our family's favorite restaurants in the town that my family is from (and coincidentally...the town we are moving to.). There were nearly sixty women there. All of my side of the family. All of my girlfriends. All of my cousins. All of my husband-to-be's side of the family. All of my sisters in law. It was SO special and it went off without a hitch.

That night, my bridesmaids, friends, cousins, and family threw my bachelorette party. The more senior members of that group tapped out after Round One. This part was held at my cousin Matthew and his fiance Dawn's house. There were about 30 people there all together. We had drinks and dinner (which they had all set up). I was given a lingerie line with a really cute little poem that I adored. We played pin the junk on the hunk. It was a blast. When the van pulled up we headed out to the bars and that's all I'll say about that!

The thing that was off about this night.....the ONLY thing that went wrong..... was that my one sister in law didn't show up to the bachelorette party. At all. She called me the week before to discuss what the plan was. She is the oldest sister in law and wasn't comfortable bar hopping or paying money for things she wasn't into. All valid and fine with me. I filled her in on what I knew and we agreed that she could drive her own car and go home when she wanted to. We talked for an hour. She came to the shower no problem. She took a centerpiece as always and told me she'd see me later.

Then radio silence. No text. No call. No nothing.

My other two sisters in law, K and J, called and texted her (I'm told) to find out if she was meeting them to follow each other. No answer. They texted her the address and left since they had waited around and were running late now. All night, no update to any of us.

That Monday afternoon I get a text from F (MIA SIL) asking where my girls got their dresses from for the wedding. I obviously don't answer her since this is absurd and I knew where it was coming from. Someone had told me that she was asking about what everyone was wearing to the wedding and this person mentioned that if you shop where I got my dress, you get a discount. There's self centered move number two. [Centerpiece was #1 for those of you playing at home. I don't believe that was up for grabs. I'm pretty sure it was meant for decoration at my bachelorette party. Annnnyway....] Okay so I don't answer her text message.

That Friday....nearly a week later. I get a text asking if I'm mad at her, and if I am can I please call her so we can talk. I tell her yes I am mad and hurt and she can call me anytime after 5pm or anytime over the weekend. I'm SO glad I didn't hold my breath waiting for that call. Nothing. Again.

F texts me a few more times asking if I can call her, and I tell her my availability to talk. Still no ringing on my end. I do not reach out to her at all because I did nothing wrong here and I am not the one who should be apologizing for anything or even making the effort to dial. Yes, this is petty but I don't give a flying shit. She is the one blemish on MY day.

I suck it up and ship a package to her kids for Valentine's Day. I buy the kids something for pretty much every holiday. It's not their fault that their family doesn't get along. She texts me thank you and I say you're welcome glad they liked it.

Last week she texts me that she's having cake for her oldest daughter's birthday this coming Saturday night. Patrick and I already have plans so I text her back saying as much.

Yesterday was this particular niece's birthday. Patrick and I had Knicks tickets last night so we waited until we were together at about 6:30 to call. For some reason neither of us had their home number saved in our phones. It didn't really mean anything big to us and I don't think we ever had that number, so we called Patrick's brother Keith's phone. Nobody answered so we left a message. I sent Kate a Facebook and Patrick emailed her. We sent her birthday gift last week, so we covered all of our bases like we always do.

WELL.

This morning I wake up at 7:30 to a text message from F asking me to please call her. She needs to speak with me and has tried to speak with me 3 times the message said. I wrote back that I am getting ready for work, please call me at my desk and just so that we're on the same page, my phone hasn't rang one time since my bridal shower. The "tried to talk" is bullshit.

This got an immediate response saying that she is hurt that I didn't call HER that night to see if she was okay and I hurt her too in not doing that. And also that I couldn't even call their house to talk to her daughter because she might pick up. NEITHER of which made any sense.

Of course I respond that I do a lot for her kids and I would NEVER put them in the middle of anything going on between any of us. I also told her that I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be calling anyone on my day and didn't think I was asking much when I asked for one day of fun and attention. That got me the answer to why she never showed. Apparently she never got my other sisters texts and voicemails. She tried to drive herself to the house but got lost (apparently despite her GPS that's built in to her car), didn't think to call my sisters in law who were also driving there (and had left/sent messages) and know the directions but instead called her husband who told her to come home. So she did. And never told us any of this until nearly two months later for whatever reason.

We went back and forth and the point that I was trying to make was that it would have been nice to hear an apology or at least see some effort and a mature way of handling this situation. I got back snippy responses and was literally called narcissistic. For being a bride at my bridal shower and bachelorette party?

I responded that while it might be petty to not want to make the effort to call her since I was not in the wrong here, I did not attack her personal character and I will be keeping my narcissistic self away from her family moving forward. This conversation is over.

When I tell you that every single person in my in laws family has had an issue with this woman, I am not exaggerating. She is the single most selfish person I've ever met. She was the reason that my brothers in law got into a fist fight on Christmas Eve when my mother in law was in the hospital dying of cancer. She is the root of several disagreements in the history of our extended family. She is very much on my bad side right now. I have defended her for seven years. I have tried to make this immediate family one big happy one. I have taken the high road more times than I can count. I have tried to get to know her and not listen to the opinions of other family members. I have bent over backwards to try to be a good person in this situation.

I honestly don't know what's going to go on with our wedding. I might be too narcissistic for her and god forbid someone else gets some attention on one of the biggest days of their lives. I don't want to think those things on my wedding day. That's just not fair. As things are right now, she will not have the address to the house when we move. I will not be sending anything to them except small birthday and christmas gifts for the children. As things stand now, I will not be at events when she is present. Patrick and his brother have a minimal relationship. His brother has declined to come to his bachelor party despite being a groomsman. We talk to him at family holidays and Patrick sometimes sees him when they work together for my other BIL. They used to golf together but that fell off. They are the oldest & youngest siblings and just don't see eye to eye on much. This new falling out is not helping the situation.

On the other hand, do I want to be the reason that my husband doesn't speak to his brother? [Yes, even though they weren't involved I'm sure if his wife and I aren't talking my BIL won't speak to anyone either.] Do I want to add fuel to this family fire that's been burning way longer than I've been around? Do I want to set this example for the kids... even though apparently the actual parents don't even care?

I have been physically sick over this today. Had to get it all out there. And this isn't even the half of it.